the train stations, they have these
reflective doors and I caught my reflection
in it today. I watched myself like a stranger;
have I been this easy to read?
Sadness dripping all over my face;
upsetting the smile I learnt to put on recently.
Still, this version of me feels like muscle memory
even if learning to smile felt like riding a bike
for the first time. They say we cannot unlearn bicycles,
but maybe I’ve proven the adults wrong again.
Because I’ve fallen off and cannot seem
to get back on without losing my balance.
Sorry, I seem to have forgotten that
I’ve been waiting for the train to arrive to
take my where I have to go. So maybe,
I didn’t ever need to learn how to ride
a bike anyway. But I miss the wind in my hair,
moving to get somewhere instead of standing
still and watching the world go by like I am now.
Standing by myself, waiting for the train,
feeling the heaviness pulling me back down,
back to where I first started. The train arrives.
I board it. Watch the world go by. I don’t move.
I wish I could ride the bike again.
